Boys
talk
Boys' experiences of masculinity
Please note these are real quotes from real boys and their language may offend.
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I often feel upset about what my friends not only say about me, but also other people or other issues. Especially when what they have said has just come out of the top of their head and they probably haven't given two seconds to think about it. The worst thing is that I too sometimes laugh and join in.
Peter 13(Martino and Pallotta-Chiarolli 2001:61)
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I suppose I learned early that I wasn't too interested in hanging with all the tough guys because I just thought they spoke a lot of shit. There was a lot of fakeness and my best friend through high school was a lot more genuine. People pretend a lot, putting on a front, getting very macho and aggressive. It wasn't something that I really appreciated, all that fakeness. You just didn't really understand where they were coming from. One moment they might be your friend and within a split second they wouldn't be and I didn't want to deal with it.
Daniel 23(Martino and Pallotta-Chiarolli 2001:61)
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Being in a wheelchair at school, I felt totally inadequate as a male. I admired and felt so envious of these dudes whose bodies were developing. When you go to a friend's house or party, you'd hear adults say to other guys, 'Oh, look at you, you're growing, you're getting tall and strong', and on and on and on, and I felt really inadequate. On a more positive note, I think I know that all this stuff is constructed. I know now that it's the system. I think that if I ever met those guys who were all muscly and had those fantastic bodies and I asked them, 'What are you up to?', half of them [would] have just gotten married and divorced and are doing jobs they don't like. It's really not that bad for me now.
Tony 24(Martino and Pallotta-Chiarolli 2001:7)
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Some people expect all men to be tough and some think that men should be the income earners, that men never cry, that men shouldn't show emotions. It's quite ridiculous because we're all human, male or female. I act as an individual. I don't care what other people think. I was hassled a lot in primary school and now I just think, 'Well, stuff the rest of the world. I'll just get on with what I'm doing and do it well. I don't care what other people think.
Jason 14
(Martino and Pallotta-Chiarolli 2001:10)
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Masculinity is nothing but a concept - it isn't real … How can males be expected not to hurt or break with all the crap and injustice that goes on in our world? … It is something that must be challenged! You can punch someone's head in or have your head punched in but you can never cry or try to talk it out. … There's a whole big contradiction in society at the moment. Men are now expected to have strength of character, conscience and sensitivity while still having the above 'macho' qualities. … How can you be expected to maintain a balance of such extremes? You can't!
Ben 17
(Martino and Pallotta-Chiarolli 2001:19)