Boys Gender and Schooling > Issues for schools > Masculinities matter >

Boys' experiences of masculinity

Power and struggle are often central experiences of masculine culture and the costs of pursuing appropriate behaviours can be heavy:

'To be a man it is not enough simply to be: a man must do, display, prove, in order to establish unchallenged manhood' (Miles, 1991). All of the major signifiers of manhood are continually under threat or intrinsically transitory: money, political power, physical strength, sexual performance - none can be relied upon to last.

(McLean in Kenway 1997:13)

Boys who hold to this kind of masculinity may find themselves constantly struggling to save face and live up to expectations. Even the most successful may feel they have to repeatedly prove themselves. As a consequence, many boys experience anxiety and fear of failure which undermine their self-esteem and sense of security.

For men, two things seem to go inextricably together - the desire for power and the fear of powerlessness. No other alternative seems to exist.

(McLean in Kenway 1997:13)

Many young men feel unable either to succeed in establishing an 'acceptable' masculinity or to question the narrowness of the way in which masculinity is being defined. This can set up a 'dog eat dog' pattern of interactions in which many boys feel under siege but 'locked in' to the game. Providing space and time for masculinity issues at school can create 'time out' in this cycle.

Here's what some boys say.

Feeling powerless but acting tough

Allowing boys to examine the desire for power (and fear of powerlessness) that drives some masculine behaviours may help them see that they have many choices.

Some boys' dominating behaviours provide them with privilege and rewards at the expense of others. They may be seen as 'tough' and 'manly'. If intimidation seems to work at school, it may also work in family life and into the future. They themselves, and those around them, pay the price in material, health and family costs.

The fear of losing face - of failing at properly 'doing' their masculinity - motivates some boys to join in sex-based harassment and violence at school. Acknowledging this does not excuse their behaviour, but it can be a first step in understanding how collective gender dynamics work.

… in secondary school … boys often experience girls' verbal and social sophistication as extremely intimidating. In many cases boys respond with techniques of physical harassment, which are trivialised by terms such as 'joking' or 'teasing'. Boys often find it very difficult to recognise the collective nature of their own behaviour … (To a boy) his own 'joke' is an entirely individual and isolated occurrence. But to a girl who has experienced the same 'joke' from twenty different boys in one day, it can take on a very different meaning … (this underlines the importance of) anti-harassment policies based on … collective gender dynamics.

(McLean in Kenway 1997:14)

Recognising the collective pressures

It is ironic but true that while men as a group clearly hold the reins of power, most men often feel powerless, for example, at work where hierarchies and competitive systems may create few winners and many who fail. School systems too can create winners and losers and boys who see little reward in school engagement often gain some satisfaction, and peer approval, in resistance.

While the women's movement has encouraged girls to question the ways that gender behaviours may limit their lives, most boys have not been challenged in the same way. Schools are well placed to encourage such social and self-awareness.

Faced with bullying from older boys, for example, they are more likely to think about taking martial arts classes … than to question the ideals and practices of masculinity. More masculinity, not less, is what most boys long for.

(McLean in Kenway 1997:14)

The need for boys to be aware of a diversity of masculinities is clearly an important step in freeing them from narrow and damaging masculinity practices.

Here's what some boys say.

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